Heaviness...

...is a word to describe how this week feels to me. I'm not trying to get all "old school" on you - just merely trying to explain how this week has been. It has felt heavy with emotion, drama, expectations, learning, growth, compassion, understanding, love, and intensity. It has been a busy week with lots of classroom visitors, potential parents and observations; of emotional highs and lows. These are all good things, but coupled with academics and social / emotional issues - it has left my class, my student teacher and I feeling tired and spent and emotional. I'm glad we have the weekend to rest and recharge our batteries, for both students AND teachers need this mental rest.

This week I spent a large part being a confidante to other teachers and students. Holding class discussions with former classrooms regarding behavior and expectations; mentoring students and helping them to make better choices; generally just stepping in to offer assistance wherever needed. There were lots of needs. Emotionally charged students making poor decisions because their home lives are in turmoil. "Daddy's in prison, again, I'm so disappointed in him. I don't get to see him anymore. I just want to bike riding with him with our shirts off like we did last time." - "Grandma promised she's quit smoking and she didn't, now she's dead." - "I just miss my mommy so so much!" - "I don't want to be here at school, because I hate it here...Mom and Dad got divorced and I have to come here. I want to go home. My brother doesn't like me, but I want to be home. I don't know what to do." Add to this the normal tender first grade feelings like "she hurt my feelings when she didn't play with me" and "he looked at me funny" and "he said it was MY turn to play on the swing, but he didn't let me" and it makes for a very delicate, soft-hearted, long week.

While this post is heavy - there were bright, light moments as well. The proposal, the paper smelling, licking dirt off our shoes, Oregon BCS bears and gently used LOVE erasers, third graders stopping by on their lunch time to say HI and brag about how their behavior has changed since my visit to their room...all of which are amazingly light and bright moments that soften the edges of heavy.

Weeks such as this - these self-reflective, positive, busy, heart-wrenching weeks only help to reaffirm the importance of my job. The reality (and reminder) that teaching is much more than academics alone - it is social and emotional and so very, very full of love and compassion. These weeks illustrate in great detail the responsibility that falls upon the shoulders of those who choose it...this profession...this sometimes utterly exhausting, amazing, life-changing, fulfilling profession.

Quotes that matter to me...that guide me, humble and remind me....

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Ghandi

and

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before

starting to improve the world." - Anne Frank.

I think I wish for everyone to have heavy weeks such as this. They are excellent reminders of ones place and importance in this world.