I'm a nicer teacher this year...and more self-reflections...

Just to keep myself on track emotionally and mentally, I check with myself...you know...just to see how things are doing from time to time.  Well, my latest "check-in" had to do with how I feel my teaching has evolved over the past couple of years.  Now, I've been told I'm a "natural" at this...that things just seem to "flow" in my classroom.  And while I'd like to tell you that it's easy, it really hasn't been.  I spend a crapload of time planning each week...probably on average, 10-12 hours of planning...and then even that doesn't feel like enough sometimes.  And you might be thinking that I need to find a way to streamline that...and you should know, THAT IT IS STREAMLINED.  Last year??? oh man...I probably spent 20 hours a week planning.  So, anyway...back to this whole check-in thing.  I realized that one of the biggest changes I've made this year is that I actually feel that I'm a "nicer" teacher.  How SAD is that?  Just to say it implies that last year I was a "mean" teacher...and the sad reality is that I probably was!  I was overwhelmed with everything...and I do mean everything.  No college class prepares you for what real life teaching is all about.  Theory and practice rarely collide...it's more like they're on completely divergent paths altogether, so you're left to sort of figure it all out on your own and hope that what you come up with is good...and some days you just hope that it's "good enough" to get by.  Last year was a rough year...it was awesome as well, don't get me wrong, but it was rough.  I had kiddos in my class you would be amazed at...swearing, hitting, punching, kicking, screaming, homeless, no English, prostitute/drug dealers for parents, hate crimers, and the like.  Not just one or two kids, but ALOT of my class had issues.  So, when I think about it, I feel like I was a "meany McSweeny" to them...or I guess I could get by with saying I was really, really tough on them at times.  Thank goodness they're resilient little twerps and that they'll forgive you in an instant.  BUT...I know that they made me a better teacher for this year.

This year many things have changed.  I'm no longer a first year teacher (amen) and I know alot more about teaching than I did last year.  I'm calmer in tough situations and have many more "tools" in my proverbial teaching toolbox to help me get through a variety of situations.  I also have a tremendous class...an almost disgustingly perfect class...maybe even borderline boring at times class.  They are, as a whole, SO good that it's scary.  Other specials teachers are choosing my class as they class they want to get observed with for their formal teaching observations.  That's pretty wonderful considering last year they kicked students from my class OUT of their classroom half the time.  The poor music teacher last year almost cried one day!  So...I may think I'm nicer because I have a better-behaved classroom, OR because I'm just a more experienced teacher...probably a little bit of both I guess.  I'm hoping that next year I can reflect back and continue to think that I'm getting better at this...that I'm growing and learning.  I guess if I ever reach a chance where I don't feel this, it will be time to stop.